Goal Met! Provo, UT Temple to Temple 5 K Walk/Run

Start was above the Provo, UT Temple

Finish was across the street from new Provo City Center Temple site in downtown Provo.

Last year when I was feeling really bad in the last stages of the chemo treatments, I made the goal to participate in the event this year.  Part of my motivation was to have something good to look forward to and to help me to feel better.  I asked my kids if those who could would participate with me.  Suzanna, Benjamin, SE, Leigha, and Nathan were able to participate with me.  It was fun and I couldn't have done it without them.

Thursday, July 23, 2015 Update

Check-up time again! Next Wednesday I see Steve Haws in radiation for another 3 month check-up.  It has been about 8 months since the last radiation treatment and about 11 months since the last chemo treatment.  I am about as many months away from the last treatment as the number of months I was involved with treatments.

Yesterday I went in to have my port flushed. I realized that I had emotions and feelings in going to the office.  I don't have a name for them but they didn't generate an "I can't wait to go there" feel. Lately I have been having more swelling with the lymphedema.  I have thought about wrapping my arm.  I have never done it myself, but I knew I could.  So I did.  I recognized that I may not do it the best possible the first times, but I felt it was what I should do.  As I did, memories of my thoughts when I was having the treatments and wrappings from the therapist came to mind.  I remember how I was hoping she wouldn't ask me to wrap it myself because I didn't think I could do it, not just physically but emotionally.  These and other thoughts helped me to realize how much better I am now and how really "worn down" mentally, emotionally, and physically I really was at that time and the months before and after that.  I really didn't get it and still don't at times.

I am reminded that a week and half ago, a lady who was about 5 or so months ahead of me in her treatments as a result of breast cancer, said to me as we were going into a viewing before a funeral, "Well, here we are the cancer victims."  That statement really caught me off guard.  It was offensive to me, for a lack of a better word.  I mentioned it in the support group that week and Brad asked me to be willing to look at why it offended me and I allowed it to take that energy from me.  I thought about it throughout the week and asked Shawn who is good at "seeing" things in a true perspective what his thoughts and feelings were.  My inquiry led to the conclusion that I really don't see myself as a victim.  I was offended to be put in that "classification" without my permission.  I have been and am consciously vigilant to move toward being powerful and away from victim thinking as a principle, not just the cancer and treatment experience.  I felt that her statement took power from me and left me in a "puddle".  I quickly pulled myself up and said, "No we're just the two ladies with the short 'hair-dos'".  I know that I don't have to accept anyone's statement or opinion as true just because they make it and that they only have as much influence and power as I a willing to give them.

These two experiences have resulted in my awareness of the importance of opposition in our lives.  Through the wrapping of my arm to help the lymphedema, I remembered the feelings of weakness and limitations I had at that time.  While I thought I was doing fine at the time, I could see today the strength, stamina, and confidence I have gained since that time.  As a result of the searching, my thoughts, feelings, and searching for what is within me, I have a better awareness and strengthening that has and continues to empower me in my life.  

So, onward and foreward!

July 5th 2015

This morning I found myself thinking about what was I doing a year ago. If my calculations are correct, I was just approaching half way (6 treatments) on part 2 of the chemo treatments.  Suzanna had just come home from the hospital with the twins and I didn't do much of anything to celebrate July 4th.

This year, I have had the first round of checkups-well maybe 2nd in a way.  The last couple of days in December 2014 I had a check-up with radiation involving meeting with the physician's assistant.  All was well.  The end of April I met with the oncology nurse practitioner for an exam and follow up to a mammogram, blood work, etc.  Again I was blessed with "all looks good".  I was cautioned that I should give myself 2 years to get back to normal.

My energy and stamina level is much better, however, it has a long way to go.  I finished my last radiation treatment about 7 months ago.  Since then I those levels have increased steadily with set backs when I had a cold, ear infections, or don't rest enough or push too hard.  There are times when I feel really good and feel I can take on most anything.  When that happens, it is usually earlier in the day or after I have had a good nap.
I am very grateful.  A lot of the time I feel "like me" again.

Wow! I didn't realize that it had been so long since I last posted on this blog.  How time has flown!

As I reread my last post, I was to go for a check up.  There wasn't really anything much new.  I was doing fine.  My next check up will be the end of April.  I will have a mammogram before I go.  I believe he said I will have 3 per year of the breast where the tumor was.  This will be for both as it was a year ago.  I also received a call from the office of the doctor who did the colonoscopy wanting to set up the year check on that.  Yeah! (sarcastic) There was a place he wants to check.  The biopsy was fine a year ago, but he wanted to check it.  April looks like a month to see doctors.  It has been nice to not see them for awhile.

Last Saturday, I decided I was done with my wig.  Since then I am going with the real Sara hairdo.  My hair is getting longer (maybe a couple of inches in places), but still very short.  It is dark with gray in it.  Some places seem to be curly.  Time and more length will tell.  Benjamin made some hair wax for me to help it stay in place.  I love not wearing anything on my head.  I have never liked wearing them.  I still wear a knit hat if it is cold.

I am getting stronger.  With that it is often harder to be as careful is wise if I want to feel good.  I rest some every day, but sometimes not enough and I pay for it when I don't.  I know I have been pushing it too hard last week, so I notice my vision isn't as good and I don't feel well.  I have done better at resting today.  I have taken 3 short naps.  Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and this week.  I am so grateful for the improvement in how I feel and that I can do so much more.

I am really not good with selfies, but I decided I would try one to show my hair.

My New Hair Style
March 1, 2015