Goal Met! Provo, UT Temple to Temple 5 K Walk/Run

Start was above the Provo, UT Temple

Finish was across the street from new Provo City Center Temple site in downtown Provo.

Last year when I was feeling really bad in the last stages of the chemo treatments, I made the goal to participate in the event this year.  Part of my motivation was to have something good to look forward to and to help me to feel better.  I asked my kids if those who could would participate with me.  Suzanna, Benjamin, SE, Leigha, and Nathan were able to participate with me.  It was fun and I couldn't have done it without them.

Thursday, July 23, 2015 Update

Check-up time again! Next Wednesday I see Steve Haws in radiation for another 3 month check-up.  It has been about 8 months since the last radiation treatment and about 11 months since the last chemo treatment.  I am about as many months away from the last treatment as the number of months I was involved with treatments.

Yesterday I went in to have my port flushed. I realized that I had emotions and feelings in going to the office.  I don't have a name for them but they didn't generate an "I can't wait to go there" feel. Lately I have been having more swelling with the lymphedema.  I have thought about wrapping my arm.  I have never done it myself, but I knew I could.  So I did.  I recognized that I may not do it the best possible the first times, but I felt it was what I should do.  As I did, memories of my thoughts when I was having the treatments and wrappings from the therapist came to mind.  I remember how I was hoping she wouldn't ask me to wrap it myself because I didn't think I could do it, not just physically but emotionally.  These and other thoughts helped me to realize how much better I am now and how really "worn down" mentally, emotionally, and physically I really was at that time and the months before and after that.  I really didn't get it and still don't at times.

I am reminded that a week and half ago, a lady who was about 5 or so months ahead of me in her treatments as a result of breast cancer, said to me as we were going into a viewing before a funeral, "Well, here we are the cancer victims."  That statement really caught me off guard.  It was offensive to me, for a lack of a better word.  I mentioned it in the support group that week and Brad asked me to be willing to look at why it offended me and I allowed it to take that energy from me.  I thought about it throughout the week and asked Shawn who is good at "seeing" things in a true perspective what his thoughts and feelings were.  My inquiry led to the conclusion that I really don't see myself as a victim.  I was offended to be put in that "classification" without my permission.  I have been and am consciously vigilant to move toward being powerful and away from victim thinking as a principle, not just the cancer and treatment experience.  I felt that her statement took power from me and left me in a "puddle".  I quickly pulled myself up and said, "No we're just the two ladies with the short 'hair-dos'".  I know that I don't have to accept anyone's statement or opinion as true just because they make it and that they only have as much influence and power as I a willing to give them.

These two experiences have resulted in my awareness of the importance of opposition in our lives.  Through the wrapping of my arm to help the lymphedema, I remembered the feelings of weakness and limitations I had at that time.  While I thought I was doing fine at the time, I could see today the strength, stamina, and confidence I have gained since that time.  As a result of the searching, my thoughts, feelings, and searching for what is within me, I have a better awareness and strengthening that has and continues to empower me in my life.  

So, onward and foreward!

July 5th 2015

This morning I found myself thinking about what was I doing a year ago. If my calculations are correct, I was just approaching half way (6 treatments) on part 2 of the chemo treatments.  Suzanna had just come home from the hospital with the twins and I didn't do much of anything to celebrate July 4th.

This year, I have had the first round of checkups-well maybe 2nd in a way.  The last couple of days in December 2014 I had a check-up with radiation involving meeting with the physician's assistant.  All was well.  The end of April I met with the oncology nurse practitioner for an exam and follow up to a mammogram, blood work, etc.  Again I was blessed with "all looks good".  I was cautioned that I should give myself 2 years to get back to normal.

My energy and stamina level is much better, however, it has a long way to go.  I finished my last radiation treatment about 7 months ago.  Since then I those levels have increased steadily with set backs when I had a cold, ear infections, or don't rest enough or push too hard.  There are times when I feel really good and feel I can take on most anything.  When that happens, it is usually earlier in the day or after I have had a good nap.
I am very grateful.  A lot of the time I feel "like me" again.